Johannes' other jokes

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Count them ONLY ONCE; do not go back while you are counting... not even one letter back, and do not count them again. Mark the box below to see the answer. <table border="1" summary=""> <tr> <td bgcolor="#FFFFFF"><font color="#FFFFFF">There are six "F's".<br /> The human brain tends to see the F in "OF" as a "V". Rarely will anyone find more than three "F's" in the sentence.</font></td> </tr> </table> <h2>Signatures</h2> <ul> <li>Never go to the toilet in a paperless office.</li> <li>You don't drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there. (Edwin Louis Cole)</li> <li>Non-Reciprocal Laws of Expectations: Negative expectations yield negative results. Positive expectations yield negative results.</li> <li>Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning: It's on the other side.</li> <li>Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.</li> <li>You will pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please disregard this message.</li> <li>Experience, n.: That marvelous thing which enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. -- F. P. Jones</li> <li>Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.</li> <li>The Reaper's Law: Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.</li> <li>Bevan's Law of Judgement: Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.</li> <li>The Garvan Axiom: Always borrow money from a pessimist - he doesn't expect to be paid back.</li> <li>The horse shoe test for coffee: If the horseshoe sinks to the ground, the coffee's certainly too weak.</li> <li>Lambert's Law of Investment: $100 invested at 7% interest for 100 years will become $100,000, at which time it will be worth absolutely nothing.</li> <li>God exists! If not, who pops up the next Kleenex?</li> <li>Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL. -- Mae West</li> <li>Lewis' Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.</li> <li>You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. -- Franklin P. Jones</li> <li>The day microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is the day they start making vacuum cleaners.</li> <li>In The Beginning there was nothing, which exploded.</li> <li>The primary purpose of the DATA statement is to give names to constants; instead of referring to pi as 3.141592653589793 at every appearance, the variable PI can be given that value with a DATA statement and used instead of the longer form of the constant. This also simplifies modifying the program, should the value of pi change. -- FORTRAN manual for Xerox Computers</li> <li>What happens if a big asteroid hits the Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad. (Dave Barry)</li> <li>A new study shows that licking the sweat off a frog can cure depression. The down side is, the minute you stop licking, the frog gets depressed again. (Jay Leno)</li> <li>Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.</li> <li> <table summary=""> <tr> <td>God is Dead.</td> <td>-- Nietzsche</td> </tr> <tr> <td>Nietzsche is Dead.</td> <td>-- God</td> </tr> <tr> <td>Nietzsche is God.</td> <td>-- The Dead</td> </tr> </table> </li> <li>The nice thing about Windows is - It does not just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you press 'OK' first.</li> <li>Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music. (Marcus Brigstocke)</li> </ul> <h2>Want more?</h2> There is more to see on the <a href="sonstige_inhalt.de.html">german part of this page</a> . <div class="noprint"> <hr /> <table width="100%" summary=""> <tr> <td align="left" valign="middle"><font size="-2">$Id: sonstige.wml,v 1.39 2008-10-21 18:40:04 jfranken Exp $ <a href= "sonstige.log.html">[ChangeLog]</a><br /> $Id: template.inc,v 1.81 2009-09-07 19:26:07 jfranken Exp $ <a href="../../../template.log.html">[ChangeLog]</a><br /> © Johannes Franken. <a href="../../../impressum/rechtliches.en.html" target="_parent">Imprint and disclaimer</a></font></td> <td align="right" valign="middle"><a href="http://validator.w3.org/check/referer" target="w3c"><img border="0" src= "../../../images/valid-xhtml10.png" alt="Valid XHTML 1.0!" width="88" height="31" /></a></td> </tr> </table> </div> <hr /> <h1>Navigation:</h1> <font size="1"><script type="text/javascript" language="JavaScript"> //<![CDATA[  //]]> </script> <script type="text/javascript" language="JavaScript"> //<![CDATA[  //]]> </script> <a href="../../../startseite.en.html" target="_top" onmouseover= "nb_imgOver('nb_img1_startseite', 0, ''); 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return true" onfocus="ro_imgOver('ro_img_unknown4', 'RSS2-Feed'); return true" onblur= "ro_imgNormal('ro_img_unknown4'); return true"><img name="ro_img_unknown4" src="../../../images/feed-rss2.png" alt= "RSS2-Feed" width="70" height="15" border="0" /></a><br /> <img src="../../../images/transparentpixel.png" alt=" " width="32" height="1" align="bottom" border="0" /> <script type="text/javascript" language="JavaScript"> //<![CDATA[  //]]> </script><a href="http://www.jfranken.de/feed-atom1.en.xml" target="_blank" onmouseover= "ro_imgOver('ro_img_unknown5', 'ATOM1-Feed'); return true" onmouseout="ro_imgNormal('ro_img_unknown5'); return true" onfocus="ro_imgOver('ro_img_unknown5', 'ATOM1-Feed'); return true" onblur= "ro_imgNormal('ro_img_unknown5'); return true"><img name="ro_img_unknown5" src="../../../images/feed-atom1.png" alt= "ATOM1-Feed" width="70" height="15" border="0" /></a><br /> <img src="../../../images/transparentpixel.png" alt=" " width="32" height="1" align="bottom" border="0" /> <script type="text/javascript" language="JavaScript"> //<![CDATA[  //]]> </script><a href="../../../impressum/feeds.en.html" target="_parent" onmouseover= "ro_imgOver('ro_img_unknown6', 'Subscribe'); return true" onmouseout="ro_imgNormal('ro_img_unknown6'); return true" onfocus="ro_imgOver('ro_img_unknown6', 'Subscribe'); return true" onblur= "ro_imgNormal('ro_img_unknown6'); return true"><img name="ro_img_unknown6" src="../../../images/Subscribe.en.png" alt= "Subscribe" width="65" height="19" border="0" /></a> </body>