Johannes' other jokes

Complaints?

Do you need help writing a complaint-letter about me or anybody else? Here's a ghostwriter-service doing all that annoying wording for you.

Steve don't eat it

For American dining culture, see here

Lost in translations

What happens when an English phrase is translated (by computer) back and forth between 5 different languages? see www.tashian.com/multibabel/

Test your mind

Read the sentence below:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE- SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF- IC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS

Now, go back and count the number of "F"s in the sentence. Count them ONLY ONCE; do not go back while you are counting... not even one letter back, and do not count them again. Mark the box below to see the answer.

There are six "F's".
The human brain tends to see the F in "OF" as a "V". Rarely will anyone find more than three "F's" in the sentence.

Signatures

Never go to the toilet in a paperless office.
You don't drown by falling in the water; you drown by staying there. (Edwin Louis Cole)
Non-Reciprocal Laws of Expectations: Negative expectations yield negative results. Positive expectations yield negative results.
Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning: It's on the other side.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
You will pay for your sins. If you have already paid, please disregard this message.
Experience, n.: That marvelous thing which enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. -- F. P. Jones
Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
The Reaper's Law: Death is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
Bevan's Law of Judgement: Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement.
The Garvan Axiom: Always borrow money from a pessimist - he doesn't expect to be paid back.
The horse shoe test for coffee: If the horseshoe sinks to the ground, the coffee's certainly too weak.
Lambert's Law of Investment: $100 invested at 7% interest for 100 years will become $100,000, at which time it will be worth absolutely nothing.
God exists! If not, who pops up the next Kleenex?
Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL. -- Mae West
Lewis' Law of Travel: The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever.
You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance. -- Franklin P. Jones
The day microsoft makes something that doesn't suck is the day they start making vacuum cleaners.
In The Beginning there was nothing, which exploded.
The primary purpose of the DATA statement is to give names to constants; instead of referring to pi as 3.141592653589793 at every appearance, the variable PI can be given that value with a DATA statement and used instead of the longer form of the constant. This also simplifies modifying the program, should the value of pi change. -- FORTRAN manual for Xerox Computers
What happens if a big asteroid hits the Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad. (Dave Barry)
A new study shows that licking the sweat off a frog can cure depression. The down side is, the minute you stop licking, the frog gets depressed again. (Jay Leno)
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a mile away - and barefoot.
God is Dead. -- Nietzsche

Nietzsche is Dead. -- God

Nietzsche is God. -- The Dead
The nice thing about Windows is - It does not just crash, it displays a dialog box and lets you press 'OK' first.
Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music. (Marcus Brigstocke)

Want more?

There is more to see on the german part of this page .

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© Johannes Franken. Imprint and disclaimer

God is Dead.	-- Nietzsche
Nietzsche is Dead.	-- God
Nietzsche is God.	-- The Dead